What's REALLY Holding You Back?

What's REALLY Holding You Back?
by: Laurie Hayes


This may or may not surprise you, but I have learned that regardless of age, it usually isn't lack of skill, time or money that gets in the way of starting or growing your business.

Most of the entrepreneurs I work with are between 40 to 65 years young, and when they hit a wall or spin their wheels, it's rarely associated to lack of ability, desire, physical or monetary means.

Physically, they have what it takes, but mentally -- there's a lifetime of baggage blocking access to real progress.

Many have raised children, have been supervisors at work, devoted and hardworking employees, and creative geniuses, and despite their lifetime of accomplishments, something seems to come up when they begin the journey from employee to entrepreneur.

Some of it is tied to the transition into the business world, but much of it also comes from reaching a certain point in life where you can start putting your needs ahead of others. You have raised your children, supported your spouse in his or her career, served as a loyal employee to your boss and now, it's time to focus on following your dream.

The problem is the dream is clouded by old programming.

How many times in the past did you do or say things you didn't want to simply to please your parents, teachers, spouse, church leaders or children?

Did you take courses you didn't want to take or jobs you hated because someone told you it was best for you? Did you marry someone you shouldn't have because you were told it was the "right" thing to do?

How many times were you told you had dumb ideas, weren't smart, pretty or strong enough?

How many times were you told not to bother pursuing a professional sport, music or writing because you'd never make it -- only the exceptional few did?

If you're struggling to get clear on what you want or if you're not taking the right actions even though you know what must be done, look inside yourself and try to uncover what's really holding you back.

How much of other people's "stuff" are you allowing to influence how big you dream and the actions you do or do not take?

I recall a colleague of mine who today is a millionaire, but when he started his business he struggled to succeed. He had done well in corporate, but when he started to promote his new business, he couldn't attract clients.

It was only after he locked himself in his office for a full day and began looking at his marketing materials that he realized he had designed everything to appease his father and gain his approval. He wasn't communicating to his target audience at all.

He re-wrote his material, changed the way he promoted himself, and within months attracted numerous clients.

Another client realized in her late 50's that because she was allowing her father to make her feel guilty because he had helped her out when she was younger, every day was dictated by his mood and the demands he placed on her.

She couldn't grow her business because she allowed her father to determine the amount of time and activities she could focus on each day.

It took almost two years to release the guilt and feeling that she had to be at his beck and call, but when she did, doors began to open. She started receiving phone calls and orders from large organizations and she started meeting people with huge networks who loved her products and wanted to share her with all of their friends.

She became a vibrant, confident woman and started attracting other vibrant people into her life.

I share these stories not to encourage you to blame your parents or loved ones for the obstacles in your life, but to create awareness of the fact that what often holds us back is our belief that we must be responsible for everyone else's happiness and comfort.

One of my former clients works with people who struggle with what she calls People Pleasing Syndrome because it is more often than not the biggest obstacle to personal and professional growth.

If you're facing challenges in your business, take some time to look at the behaviors and beliefs you hold. What thoughts may be holding you back? What actions do you take that you know for a fact aren't moving you forward?

Make the effort to uncover the reasons behind your thoughts and actions. If this is too hard to do on your own, seek the assistance of a coach or trusted professional.

Your life, your business and your ultimate happiness depend on your ability to give yourself permission to follow your dream without guilt or embarrassment and if you need help to make that happen, give yourself that gift. You deserve it.